We didn’t know it at the time, but having a biological child should not have been able to happen for us. Logically and medically speaking, that is. Knowing what we know now –after years of doctor visits, treatments, waiting, praying, hoping and disappointments– sometimes I look at Ellie and my mind is blown by the fact that she’s here.
I am still making my way through the emotions surrounding Elijah’s adoption. It’s a long story; and frankly, it’s not one I’m interested in hashing out right now. Jason and I are doing our best to overcome the bitterness, the anger and the frustrated helplessness we felt during this process. The very condensed version is that after all we’d been through with our failed adoption, we were matched with Elijah’s birthmom. We hit it off right away. She is amazing and strong and beautiful.
Our prayers were answered the day we brought Elijah home from the hospital. We thought we were finally done with the turmoil. We promptly fell head over heels for this sweet, dimpled, laid-back baby boy. Less than 2 months later, we learned that the adoption agency we’d gone through had been closed down by the state. Some of their practices were questionable, apparently. And after futher inquiry the state closed them down.
We felt swindled and bitter. We thought we might lose this boy we’d dreamed of and worked for and fallen in love with. After a time we were lucky to learn that our adoption had been handled properly; everything was above-board and in place. It was heartbreaking to hear of other families who were not so lucky. Not only did they lose the chance to adopt, but many of them lost the thousands and thousands (and thousands) of dollars they had paid in adoption fees. Just gone.
If Elijah wasn’t placed with us when he was, we would have lost our entire adoption fund (we’d paid the fees before our previous adoption failed and they were being rolled over). When I think about how close we came to being in that situation I can hardly catch my breath.
“Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven… It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.” –Jeffrey R. Holland
I can’t count how many times I have relied on these words and this video to help me through hard days.
If you are in the midst of waiting, I encourage you to look for the little things lining up just so. I promise you will see countless ways in which you have been blessed.