It’s all worth it
I just had one of those moments that makes you realize what life is all about.
It makes all the nose wiping, diaper changing, breaking up fights, late nights, shushing, cooking, cleaning (and cleaning and cleaning), weaning, rocking, feeding, teeth brushing, face washing and time-outs worth it. Not to mention the waiting, wondering, tears and prayers.
Ellie was in the tub and I was putting Cutie to bed. I was rocking my clean smelling, chubby, pajama-wearing, full-tummy, tired little guy in his dark bedroom. I was singing him some songs and he leaned in to snuggle (this is new within the past couple of weeks. He always wants to snuggle a bit before he sleeps, when he first came that was not the case). I could hear Ellie singing in her bathtub. Something about how she is Super Girl. After a song or two, Cutie’s breathing slowed and he started to give me pats and rub my shoulder.
As I sat there in the quiet I had a breakthrough. I realized that no matter what happens to our little family in the future, wherever this little Cutie ends up, I am so grateful to have had him with us. To see the changes he’s gone through and the happy and healthy boy he is, to think of the joy he’s brought to our family–even if only for a short time–was enough for that moment. It was the perfect mommy moment and I am so glad I was there for it. Really there. I wasn’t thinking about what to do next, I wasn’t in a hurry. I was able to sit and smell the sweet baby in my arms and think of how I’ll never be the same because he’s a part of my life.
Plus my little Super Girl was still singing away in the bathtub. That’s one of my favorite things ever.